


First Snow

by ClockworkDinosaur



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Snowball Fight, davekat - Freeform, gratuitous cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:44:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7957465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockworkDinosaur/pseuds/ClockworkDinosaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave used to live in Texas, John introduces him to the wonders of below-freezing temperatures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Snow

**Author's Note:**

> based on this: http://imaginedavekats.tumblr.com/post/143889433827

“You never had snow before?” John asked Dave, his eyes wide. The two sat outside on a makeshift picnic table, Dave wearing several hoodies and an annoyed expression as snowflakes stuck to his hair and melted, leaving cold wet spots on his head.

“I lived in Texas, dude. Back when Texas was still a thing that existed and not just another nameless mass of land on this post-Earth planet. I never had snow and let me tell you, thirteen-year-old me would have hated it just as much as I do now.” He zipped the top hoodie up further and flipped the hood over his head.

“Snow is so cool though! You can make snowmen or have snowball fights or-” John started, before Dave wordlessly scooped up a handful of snow and shoved it in John's face. John sputtered, standing and doing his best to let the snow that went down the front of his shirt fall out.

“Why,” he asked simply, pouting as he wiped the cold water off of his glasses.

“Because I don't need you to give me the idealistic run-down of this winter wonderland. I'm currently experiencing it and it sucks five kinds of ass. No snowman is going to change the fact that I'm not going to be warm for the next three to five months and will be forced to steal Karkat's sweaters in an attempt not to freeze my balls off daily. I know now that Hell is cold and I think that's where we are currently,” Dave said, crossing his arms.

John blinked, pausing for a second to make sure Dave was finished. “You and Karkat should have a rant-off.”

Dave snorted. “He would win, hands down. A rap-off, on the other hand...”

John laughed as he sat back down. “So this is the coldest weather you've ever been through?” he asked in disbelief.

“Dude, the coldest winter I ever went through was like sixty degrees. This is roughly five hundred degrees colder than that.”

“It's only about twenty-five right now,” John pointed out.

“Jesus Christ, humans aren't supposed to live in this bullshit climate,” Dave said.

“Weren't your summers in the triple digits?”

“Yes, and like respectable human beings we would all lay around naked and sweat until we eventually became elderly and died of heat stroke. What am I supposed to do here, wrap myself in miles of fabric so I don't catch hypothermia and lose my fingers? Because that actually seems like a good idea right now. I can't even feel my fucking nose right now, man,” Dave said, burrowing his face into his hoodies and sweaters.

John was only half paying attention, an idea forming in his head.

“Hey Dave, have you ever seen _A Christmas Story_?” he asked.

“I never really celebrated Christmas, dude. Why would I watch some dumb-ass movie about a holiday I don't care about?”

“First of all, that's depressing and we're having a huge holiday movie marathon as soon as possible, everyone is invited. Second of all, can I ask you to try something?” John said as he stood. Dave followed a moment later, suspicious.

“What is it?”

John said nothing, only walking over to some of the left-over metal scraps from Can Town's construction and waving Dave over to an unused pole that stuck out of the ground.

“Wanna see a neat trick?” John asked with a smile.

“Are you going to shove that entire pole up your-”

“No! Okay, just trust me, it's a really cool trick. Lick the pole.”

“That's not the first time I've been asked to do that.”

John looked confused. “Wait, what?”

“That was an innuendo. I can't believe I have to explain this. You see, _the pole_ could be another term for-”

“Yes, okay, okay! I understand that, thanks. It was a reach but I get it. But seriously, lick the pole,” John said, grinning.

Dave gave him a look bordering on concern. “Why though?”

“It's just a neat trick I learned from my winters in Washington. It's cool, trust me.”

With a shrug, Dave turned to the frozen pole and put his tongue on it.

“Wh-” he started, before realizing he couldn't remove his tongue. “Egbert, what the FUCK-” he tried to say, but his words were distorted. He glared as John doubled over in laughter.

“Oh man, I could never get anyone to fall for that before!” he gasped.

Dave said something that sounded like “help me, you goddamn asshole,” but was unclear. John took a deep breath to try and calm himself, but still giggled occasionally as Dave kicked some snow in his direction with murder in his eyes.

“Okay, I'll be right back, I'll get someone to help. Don't move,” he said before running off and leaving Dave alone and fuming.

Dave heard Karkat before he saw him.

“...telling me that you tricked Dave of all people with a prank even the youngest and most imbecilic of wigglers don't fall for? I mean, I know you think you're some kind of master funny-man but if you're pranking me by saying you pranked Dave then you're really scraping the bottom of the fucking barrel, John,” Karkat was saying. Dave groaned, resisting the urge to rip his tongue from the pole, injuries and pain be damned.

“Well fuck, you really did manage to get him to do it,” Karkat said, closer this time. “Good job Dave, you're actually more gullible than any grub that ever existed. What did you think would happen? Do you just lick things because your friends tell you to?”

Dave responded by flipping him off. Karkat walked into Dave's line of sight and crossed his arms.

“Sometimes I remember that you're an actual fucking god and I sincerely worry about the fate of this universe,” Karkat said with a shake of his head.

“Just help me, you bastard,” Dave said.

“I can't understand a word you just said, Dave. Do you want me to leave you here? It's hard to figure out what you're saying due to the fact you let your tongue get frozen to a fucking pole,” Karkat said innocently, clearly trying not to laugh.

“I changed my mind, leave me here to die.”

Karkat laughed. “I'll help, I'll help, no need to get dramatic.”

John handed Karkat a cup of warm water, and he poured it over Dave's tongue. After a few seconds Dave was free.

He turned to John with a glare. “You're a fucking dick, Egbert.”

To John's credit, he looked apologetic. “Sorry Dave, I couldn't resist!”

Karkat put his arm over Dave's shoulder. “Yeah, Egbert, what an asshole move. You should be ashamed.”

“You were just as entertained as I was!” John said.

“I'm not the one who put Dave in this traumatic situation in the first place,” Karkat replied indignantly.

“Now you're being a suck-up,” Dave muttered.

“Yeah, this is my way of apologizing,” Karkat said, kissing Dave's cheek quickly. Dave ducked and scooped up a snowball, shoving it down the back of Karkat's sweater triumphantly. Karkat let out a high-pitched yell and Dave nodded.

“Apology accepted.”

“Oh geez,” John said as Dave turned to him.

“Don't think I'm finished with you, John!” Dave shouted as he ran for John, picking up snow as he rushed him. John was too slow to dodge the snowball that hit him squarely in the face and knocked him to the ground.

“Revenge is a dish best served ice fucking cold, like a snowball to the face,” Dave said, his arms crossed as he looked down at John with a smug expression.

“I probably deserved this,” John sighed. Dave laughed and helped him up.

“You totally did. I forgive you though.”

He was about to say something else before a snowball hit him in the shoulder. He turned to Karkat, who smirked, snowball in hand.

“Oh fuck,” Dave said, throwing himself aside as Karkat threw another.

Things quickly descended into a snowball fight, Karkat and Dave teaming up against John who found himself buried in snow and attacked from all sides. After a while the three sat down at the picnic table, out of breath and grinning. Dave leaned his head tiredly on Karkat's shoulder.

“You know, maybe this whole snow thing isn't as fucking awful as I thought,” he said. “I mean, I'm still cold as fuck, but at least I'm not as miserable as before.”

“Clearly it's because I showed up to save your ass from a fucking pole,” Karkat said.

“Yeah alright, never speak of that ever again.” Dave said.

“I will absolutely fucking speak of it. Generations from now, wigglers are going to be talking about the time the mighty god Strider got his ass pranked by the oldest trick in the fucking book,” Karkat said.

“It _is_ a pretty classic prank,” John added.

“Screw you both,” Dave said with no malice, before sitting up. “Wait just a goddamn second, is it getting fucking colder? John, is it possible for the weather to get _colder_ than it was earlier? What the fuck?”

“It's starting to get dark, so yeah, the temperature is dropping,” he said.

“Fuck that shit, I'm going home,” Dave said as he stood. Karkat stood with him.

“Finally, lets go get warm, I'm freezing my shame-globes off,” he said.

“See you guys tomorrow!” John said as Dave and Karkat walked away, hand-in-hand.

 


End file.
